messy houses

James and I are sick, sick, sick! I think we both have the flu. We're trying our best to care for one another, but mostly we've been laying in bed, he's been watching tv and sleeping and I've been reading my assignments for school and sleeping. That reminds me what a dear friend said to me last month. I was sick and had stayed home from church. She was worried and stopped by to see me afterwards. I was really embarrassed because my house was a mess and I was in my pajamas with really messy hair. (and we know my hair can get messy with all this curl, a total rat's nest!) She hugged me and said not to worry, that most people live in messes most of the time and only clean up when people come to visit. I am this dear sister's visiting teacher and when I go over we have to move things off the couch to sit down. Yet, this sister has taught me that a cluttered house is hardly worth getting your panties in a bunch over. This sister is the most Christlike person I've ever met. She's taught me that kindness and love towards one another is what it's all about, not pretending to be perfect and having a perfect household. That is simply not reality and pretending to be perfect does nothing but cause others to be hard on themselves for not being perfect. I think this is why so many mormon women are on antidepressants, because they feel they have to be perfect. I know when my own mother was young and had 4 children, we were living in a small house. There was no room for our toys and my aunt stopped by for a visit. The house was cluttered and she told my grandma that my mother wasn't perfect because she couldn't keep a clean house. Of course that got back to my mother and she felt judged and less than a good housekeeper and mormon wife. So she's stressed her whole life about keeping a clean house. Why are many mormon women so critical of each other? I'm thankful for a dear friend who has helped me understand the true meaning of friendship and Christlike love.