a conversation

The last time my mother in law was here, we had an interesting conversation. She told me some of her kids blamed her for things that happened when they were growing up. Some of her children still harbor resentment for some of those things that happened. I've asked James about his childhood many times and am pretty familiar with the goings on in the household. We compare growing up stories and share childhood memories like most couples do. While some things were less than perfect while he was growing up, other things seem idyllic to him now.

For instance, James has great memories of a place that he lived called Green Acres. Last year he took me there and we drove around. He showed me where he used to live and he was so nostalgic and seemed so happy about what life was like there. We even met a couple that his Mom knew well and she invited us in and we talked and talked with her. James also told me stories of his Dad being a volunteer fireman and the cool things he did when he lived there.

I told James about my Dad being a volunteer fireman also and how some of my siblings and I got to ride on the fire truck on the 4TH of July in the parade and throw candy to the people on the side of the road.

James and I both have idyllic memories of our childhood and memories that are not so idyllic.

I guess the point of the conversation I had with my MIL was that I knew she loved her children while they were growing up. She did some pretty wonderful things for them. I also know she loves them all very much now. I hear the pride in her voice when she talks about each one of them.

I think the tragedy comes when we forget our parents are human and fallible. I think all children need to grow up and realize sometimes their parents made mistakes, they may have been big mistakes, and they will continue to make mistakes. However, I think children need to get over themselves and stop blaming their parents. Most parents do their best and hope their children will grow up and do wonderful things in life in spite of the things they did that were imperfect. The fact is, we're all adults now and we need to learn to act like it.

Forgiveness is essential to letting go of things that have hurt you and is necessary in being able to move on. I think so many people forget how important forgiveness is, especially towards parents. I think it is interesting to hear siblings talk of childhood experiences when they can only say bad things about their childhood. I think that says who a person is and if they are a happy person or not. I also think parents deserve a good deal of forgiveness, after all it takes a great amount of patience, sacrifice, and love to raise a child and many times they did it without even hearing thank you.

I know my MIL loves her children, I know my own mother loves her children. There has been a lot of love-less things that have happened in my family. While I forgive and love all of my siblings... I choose not to associate with those who have a track record of hurting others purposefully. I also have chosen to be careful who I associate with because it is easy to get sucked into the blame game and the negative things that happened when growing up. That may be an easy thing to do, but it is not helpful or necessary. You have to find peace within yourself and learn to forgive.

My cousin sent me something last year that I've thought about often. She told me that Heavenly Father has put us in this melting pot we call family so we have a laboratory to work in with plenty of opportunity to learn his important truths....one of those is "charity never faileth....unless it's never tried".

Forgiveness is still the key the Savior uses to unlock the hurt. It is the door to peace. Forgiveness isn't about the other person it is all about allowing yourself to move on and forward. Without forgiveness we block ourselves from peace, love and so many other manifestations of the spirit.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to trust the person who has offended you. Forgiveness means you are willing to allow Heavenly Father, who sees the end from the beginning, to be the judge and all the while knowing that His judgment is just and his timing impeccable.

I have to thank my wise cousin for sending me her thoughts when I needed them most.

I do have great amounts of love for my family. James does for his family as well. I admire the forgiveness James has for some of the things that happened to him when he grew up. Knowing James, he must have been quite the challenge to raise! (Actually I'm quite sure James was a hard child for his mom to raise as I was for my mom. Hurray for strong willed children!) I may choose to not trust those who have shown themselves to be especially cruel and malicious, but I do forgive them.